Tuesday, March 20, 2012

In which I try to show that truth, for the Denver Broncos since this time last year, is about as strange as badly written fiction


Entering the '11 season the Denver Broncos had some problems.  They had an exciting defense with some powerful new rookies but their quarterback was old and their backup was Tim Tebow, who nobody knew whether was really good or not.  "He's exciting to watch play but I just don't know if it's Tebow Time yet," everybody in the fans and media said doubtfully.  The season started bad with big losses in a row and then the main quarterback got hurt!  That's bad news but the head coach said to Tim Tebow, "You know, Tim Tebow, now we've got nothing to lose," and Tim Tebow responded faithfully, "You know I can do it!"  And amazingly he did, every week was incredible come from behinds by Time Tebow.  Only the Evil Patriots beat them bad, plus others, but at the end they won the AFC West division title.

Next up was the playoffs against the Steelers, and everybody expected the Steelers.  But John Elway said proudly, you remember John Elway as the main hero of some of my older stories from his playing days but now he's a big shot executive with the Denver Broncos corporation, "Tim, you're and the team's playing good football these days so just go out there and we'll have faith in you."  And all Tim Tebow was go out against the Steelers and pass some of the best footballs of his whole career so far!  It was amazing!  By the end it was tied and in overtime Tim Tebow boldly told his wide receiver, "You just run long and I'll catch it to you and you see how far you get."  And on that first play of over time he threw the ball all the way and the receiver ran it for a game winning touchdown!  It was incredible all the fans cheered, "Hooray!"  Next week though the Evil Patriots beat them really rough again, that was the end of Tim Tebow's playoffs adventure.  Nobody could beat the Evil Pats till the very end, but that's another different story.

In the off season the head coach's phone rang, it was John Elway and he said, "Tim Tebow was good but that isn't good enough for Super Bowls, how do you think about another quarterback."  "Peyton Manning, the greatest quarterback of the league, isn't playing for his team any more.  Can we get him to come here?" the coach replied.  "Let me see what I can do," John Elway mused.  He visited with Peyton Manning and they conversed long and hard about football, just two greats talking to one another about what it took to be amazing at their skills.  And you know what?  At the end of it Peyton Manning came to the Denver Broncos, he clutched a football like he meant business and he told them all, "All right Denver Broncos, let's show this whole league what kind of team we are made of!!!"


I know this isn't as realistic as the real Denver Broncos but if you want to keep reading, please put some money in my Kickstarter project and check back here soon.  ;-)


Blogger Andy said...

You forgot to mention playing with the Holy Spirit as the 12th man on the field.

3/20/2012 10:28 AM  
Blogger nate said...

It's true, any fuller fan-fictional treatment of the Broncos universe would have to bring in the religious angle, probably using Belichick/Satan as a temporary obstacle to Tebow/God before God intervenes through Peyton Manning and Tebow, after a dark night of the soul on a Gethsemane-like practice field, accepts that his Lord prefers him as an instrument of running 2 to 4 option plays per game, quite possibly for a different team. But I feel like Jason Elam has locked up the genre of Denver-based theology/football fiction.

3/20/2012 10:57 AM  
Blogger Pete said...

I think this writer is just barely worse than the writer of "Super Foot to Head."

3/24/2012 6:20 PM  
Blogger nate said...

A question that naturally follows from "How can I distinguish this fake-terrible-writer voice from an earlier fake-terrible-writer voice" is "What should I maybe be doing with this time instead".

3/26/2012 7:15 PM  

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