Brian Bixler, Bixler among Bixlers

It's maybe unfair to rag on the Pirates so soon after an inspiring homestand, but here's an ironclad rule of following the Pirates: it is bad, bad news if the game story ends up framed around Brian Bixler.

Nate's idea of calling the Pirates' forgettable late-season callups in general the "Bixlers" is probably unfair to all of them who will strike out less than two-thirds of the time. But I agree it captures a certain truth of the situation.

The infield situation may be hopeless, but the late-season callup I'm waiting for concerns the outfield. Here's an email exchange I had with Nate right after the Nyjer Morgan trade:

[Jack to Nate]
SUBJECT: whoa, forget Jeff Salazar

The Pirates have a triple-A outfielder named Larry Broadway? We need to call him up. That's an awesome name. I see him as a down-on-his-luck, early-middle-aged Jewish theater composer from the 1930s. Also fictional.

[Nate to Jack]
"Aw, jimmies, Mr. Huntington, ya just gotta send me up to the big show! Sure I ain't gonna be any kind a Hank Greenberg out there but I'm tellin ya, this Tin Pan Alley revue thing I been workin on is gonna revolutionize the game a baseball! Can I play ya the catchy little number a guy's gonna sing when he gets ta second base? I admit my own lyrics ain't much but I have it on good authority that Ira Gershwin is very interested. Don't walk away, Mr. Huntington, I'm beggin of ya! ...Aw, why ya gotta take Salazar for? The guy's gotta singin voice like a barn owl! Mark my words, Larry Broadway's gonna be a big name in the game a baseball someday! I'm tellin ya, big!"

-- Larry Broadway (born Liev Brodenfarb), three hours before his death in an Indianapolis trolley accident in June 2009

[Jack to Nate]
OK, that cracked me up.

The actual Larry Broadway is on the disabled list, but he isn't dead. He's 28 and hitting .220 in Triple-A, but he isn't dead.

Steelers sure are showing the right vital signs, though.