"I allow myself to imagine this day to contain the stirrings of our professional relationship"

I present the following email thread between Jack and me from late last week, prompted by a "career opportunity" fired my way via LinkedIn.  Third party's name changed.

* * * * *

Your Exceptional Skills Caught my Eye
To: Nate
From: Trent

I wanted to reach out to you because your profile and experience really stood out to me.
I’m not certain if you are looking for something new right now but maybe you'd be willing to discuss your future and aspirations?

There are many opportunities for extremely talented people like you, specifically in Ruby on Rails development.

A developer who can write truly elegant code is a very rare thing to find. I think you have what it takes to make a huge impact within many of my clients and wanted to know if you could set aside some time to speak about what you might be looking for in your next position.

Even if you aren’t quite ready to actually make a move I would still like to start a relationship for when that day comes. I can be reached at [non-local phone number redacted] or at [email redacted]
Hope to hear from you soon.

Best,
Trent

(View Trent's LinkedIn profile)

* * * * *

(Fwd)
To: Jack
From: Nate

This LinkedIn recruiter spam is amusing to me tonally, though I guess that approach must work on somebody.  To my mind, "Even if you aren’t quite ready to actually make a move I would still like to start a relationship for when that day comes" just makes you sound like you're trying to start an emotional affair on Facebook.

* * * * *

(Re)
To: Nate
From: Jack

Hello.
I do not normally contact anyone on LinkedIn but in your case I find myself too intrigued to resist. As soon as I saw your profile I felt an immediate connection, even though we have never met before today. A sensation of excitement overcame me as I traced my eyes over your resume, both at first blush and as I allowed myself to read it again and again. Is it even possible that our professional lives haven't touched yet?

There are so many opportunities for someone like you in my business. Perhaps you are happy where you are in life. I would never deny you any of that happiness, but I ask you to read my letter and wonder if I might offer you something even more. There is a richness, an uncharted satisfaction for you to explore in my business. I sense it in the firmness of your ambition and in your competencies. I sense it in your deep appreciation of the elegance of JavaScript programming and website design, interests which I share with you with sheer intensity.

If you would see fit to forgive my breathless rush to action, I would suggest that we should perhaps speak, of the present or the future or of my business or of any topic upon which our pleasure alights. Perhaps you might discreetly choose to set aside some time that we may become more intimately acquainted. I promise that none may need know, save ourselves. I feel no need to shy away from a full discussion of your talents and of the needs of my business.

I urge you to assuage the doubts that must be overtaking you! Oh, I feel them too. Yet it is with an undeniable flush of anticipation that I allow myself to imagine this day to contain the stirrings of our professional relationship.

Please reply quickly. I shall bear your dissuading words if I must hear them, but I beg of you, do not be cruel. I may be reached at [fake email redacted].

Yours in my heart,
Trent

(View Trent's LinkedIn profile)

* * * * *

In correspondence with others I described the original missive as "[sounding like a] recently divorced 50-year-old on a Christian speed date" and "about 55% of the way to being an Ashley Madison profile" but I think Jack nailed it, obviously.