Thursday, December 10, 2009


I stepped in this very large pile of dog shit today, which mostly made me angry because it was in the modest little yard right outside my apartment and, although I understand I rent an apartment and don't own a house, I have enough of a proprietary feeling towards the modest little yard that it upsets me when there's other people's dogs' shit all up in it. Like what the hell? I'm sure there are very clear public pooper-scooper laws, probably, I don't really know.

Earlier at work, there was supposed to be a pre-production meeting for this one particular project I'm working on, but it got postponed. So I think there was just supposed to be some natural amount of shit I had to deal with today, and this event may just be a matter of things balancing out.

So because I'm generally too positive, and because I was trying to think of the last time this happened and can't remember, I'm hereby starting the meter at zero and counting until next time, similar to the getting-crapped-on-by-a-bird-o-meter that I'm running. Up to 444 days without getting crapped on by a bird! Hooray. Of course, the bird thing is almost pure luck, while the dog thing takes more skill to avoid, so they're not totally analogous.

Speaking of that skill, I wasn't watching my step because (well, besides from the fact it was my own proprietary modest little yard dammit) I was distracted at the moment by thinking about whether I don't have enough ambitions in life. I actually find moments like this to be instructive: see, rank these problems in order of importance:
1. I might not have enough ambitions in life.
2. Whoa, I think I just stepped in dog shit.

(Here's a similar thing I learned in August, while riding my bicycle in East Rock. Rank these problems in order of importance: 1. I got my heart broken and may never love again. 2. Gghhk, I just swallowed a bug.)

Anyway, that's enough. I mean, do you want to spend all evening dwelling on shittiness? Or are you going to go relax and watch the Steelers/Browns game instead?

* * * * *
Revisiting the getting-crapped-on-by-a-bird-o-meter reminded me that I forgot to celebrate September 22 as Arbitrarily Selected Day of Pittsburgh Pirates Mediocrity Recognition this year. Better late than never! Here goes.

September 22, 2009

The Pirates clinched last place in the National League Central Division for the third consecutive year and lost for the 21st time in 24 games, falling to the Cincinnati Reds 10–4 in Pittsburgh. Starter Zach Duke allowed 5 runs in the 5th inning to earn the loss. Relief pitcher Eric Hacker, making his major league debut in the eighth inning, was applauded by exactly one fan and went on to allow two runs on three hits. Brian Bixler went 0 for 1 with a two-out, bases-loaded strikeout.

I'm telling you, there's something about that day. Of course, when you're from Pittsburgh, every day is Arbitrarily Selected Day of Pittsburgh Pirates Mediocrity Recognition.

Nate is actually emailing me fairly often about the Pirates ever since he stopped reading Steelers news, which is pretty sad, when you think about it.


Blogger nate said...

Sorry you got your heart broken / ate a bug this summer. But of course time heals all wounds / bugs are pretty much just protein.

To be fair, some of those Pirates emails are flowing from Jack to me. I think 9/22 was an auspicious choice for Arbitrarily Selected Pittsburgh Pirates Mediocrity Recognition Day (ASPPMRD?), if only for bringing up the Eric Hacker thing: Dejan Kovacevic had some fun ferreting out the one "Hacker Clapper" who actually applauded and IDed him as "well-known Pittsburgh-born horror novelist" Stewart O'Nan. I think a fine measure of why Kovacevic's coverage of the Pirates is such a joy to read is that he can claim at the end of that bit, "This is the best newspaper beat in America," and mean it.

And to link-chain a bit, this short Mariners-related item that Kovacevic points to in the Hacker Clapper follow-up is well worth reading and (more so) listening to.

12/10/2009 10:04 PM  
Blogger Peter Graves said...

I so know how you feel about the dog shite thing, we keep on getting people who think it is acceptable to let their dog shit literally on our doorstep. It drives me nuts. You can report it to the local authorities and they could be fined, or you could encourage them to pick it up. Best solution I have found is to direct them to a really good pooper scooper which makes picking it up easy.

The is my favourite dog poop scoop, it is stylish and hygenic, you do not notice it is there at all. There is no excuse.

12/11/2009 5:57 AM  
Blogger Pete said...

Holy crap! Is that an ad-bot for a pooper scooper?

12/11/2009 1:05 PM  
Blogger Jack said...

I think this one has the human touch, but yes, comment spam advertising a pooper-scooper. Well played, Internet, well played.

12/11/2009 6:08 PM  
Blogger nate said...

Now, if a comment spammer were selling poop-proof shoes, I just might buy a pair...

12/11/2009 7:59 PM  
Blogger Pete said...

I think it's pretty great that enough people blog about stepping in dog shit that it's worth keeping a default ad text around for it.

12/12/2009 1:05 PM  

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