Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Don't You Be Out of Mustard!

One of my less glamorous office duties, sorting the department mail, finally paid off today when one of my coworkers received the 2006–7 Mount Horeb Mustard Museum mustard catalog. Since he already had a copy of it somehow, I got to take it home.

The Mount Horeb Mustard Museum is located near Madison, Wisconsin. I had never heard of it before today, but on display are "over 4,300 jars, bottles, and tubes from all 50 states and more than 60 countries." It's a labor of love by a guy named Barry Levenson (not to be confused with the executive producer of The Perfect Storm and HBO's "Oz"). He also sells all kinds of mustard.

This is the best catalog ever. Think of the kind of humor in Garrison Keillor's radio ad parodies, hopped up on a sugar rush and combined with a genuine obsession for mustard. We're talking about a level of humor around "Practice safe snacks; always use a condiment" or bleeping out the word "ketchup" like it's profanity. You can order French mustards, horseradish mustards, spirit mustards, prizewinning mustards of the Napa Valley Mustard Festival, or all manner of gift baskets. There is a Mustard of the Month Club and a mustard-themed writing contest. They sell mustard bath salts and massage oils.

The website is entertaining but it doesn't do justice to the catalog, ebullient and corny and jam-packed with mustard ordering lists. Online you can read a quick history of mustard or Levenson's personal mustard-obsession story, which was supposedly (somehow unsurprisingly) touched off by the 1986 Boston Red Sox.

Is there anything better than crazy people from the northern Midwest? You should get a copy of this catalog.

Hell, I don't even like mustard.

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