Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Sophisticated Textual Commentary

There is one thing that bothers me about my otherwise fully satisfactory toaster, and that is its Cancel button. You push the Cancel button to make your breakfast item pop back out. There are two reasons I dislike this button:
1. "Cancel" is way too negative. If I am watching my breakfast item and see it reach its optimally toasted state, I do not want to Cancel anything, I want to retrieve it exactly the way it is. Maybe the button should say "Good," or, alternatively, there could be two buttons that say "Good" and "Probably As Good As It Will Get" that perform the same function.

2. "Cancel" is the wrong word anyway. A real Cancel button would either discard your breakfast item or return it in its original untoasted form. Of course, if my toaster could do either of these two things I would be greatly disturbed.
I would avoid using the Cancel button entirely, but it is actually the only way to eject your breakfast item from the toaster.

Are you questioning the word choice of your small household appliances? Did you have a long day at the office?

4 Comments:

Blogger nate said...

I agree that a function to return your toastable item in its untoasted state, while thermodynamically unlikely, would be an awesome-to-have toaster feature. I could draw an analogy here to the transactional pattern used by your industry-standard n-tiered software application when it persists changes to its data layer but, hey, we've all had long days at the office too.

An easier fix would be to relabel the "Cancel" button. I propose labeling it "ABORT" in big, block letters. Granted, "ABORT" is sort of a politically loaded term but I think it best describes the intended action when you see the edges of Hot Pocket turning black or whatever. The "ABORT" button should be a big red button, prominently placed, round, about the diameter and depth of an Oreo cookie.

Also, based on a Duck Tales coloring book we had when we were like seven I think the toaster should have a "Do Not Press" button placed suspiciously near whatever it is you press for toast. When you press it, antics ensue; I don't know what, that's a low-level implementation detail you can leave to the engineers.

The toaster I currently have has a "Pop Tarts" script logo stenciled onto it at a particular heat setting, to indicate that that's the appropriate level of toastiness if you're preparing Pop Tarts. I actually tried it on some Pop Tarts once and the things basically came out cold. So that feature was worth less than nothing.

12/10/2008 10:13 PM  
Blogger Dan B. said...

I agree with Nate. It would be nice to undo overtoasting, and let you start again.

Also, I've always wondered what happens when you put the toast in, then change your mind about how long. Does it shift its expectations with the knob, or only calculate it at the moment of lever depression?

Finally, I just wanted to say that've had my share of troubles, but sitting here now with you and the kids in our cozy home in this beautiful free country...

12/11/2008 1:06 AM  
Blogger nate said...

Good catch, Dan; somebody needed to take this to the Simpsons.

I think the question about the heat setting change taking effect during the toasting process vs. upon lever depression only is a good one to ask of various manufacturers' customer support operators, preferably for each model of toaster they produce.

12/11/2008 10:22 AM  
Blogger Pete said...

With my cheapest-possible-toaster-from-Target, I pretty much have to keep the temp lever cranked to full-on darkness to get any kind of carbon on the toast (though, I have been notorious, from a young age, for liking my toast quite toasted ("toasted, nicely toasted").

That's kind of magical to me, Nate, the brand placement you have for the Pop Tart on your toaster.

Any time I don't use my toaster for more than a day or two, it produces the unmistakable smell of melting technology the next time I do go ahead and chemically alter the exterior of some bread.

The next time I buy a toaster, I'm buying the second-most-cheapest-toaster-at-target.

12/11/2008 1:10 PM  

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